Insecurity is something we don’t want to experience yet we suffer from it once in a while.
It’s actually a sign of brokenness, a result of bitterness that we can’t easily let go of.
Perhaps some of us have suffered from too much insults, mockery, and bullying since we were children. Or perhaps some of us were not given enough attention, praise, encouragement and support when we were growing up. Or maybe, just maybe, some of us didn’t feel that loved and cared for all these years.
Are we really insecure? Are we hurting and hostile without even realizing why? If we’re quite confused and bitter for no particular reason, then maybe we’re tormented by insecurity. Let’s review its signs and find out if we are suffering from it:
1. Criticisms.
Unless we’re judges on a television show or in a contest and we have to be a critic of the contenders, we’re insecure if we always voice out the imperfections of people, especially with regards to their physical appearance. We even laugh at those we consider ugly features of others, insult even the clothes they wear and tell our friends about it. Unfortunately, we don’t feel satisfied giving criticisms for just one day, so the next day we look forward to finding what’s-not-so-nice things again to people we dislike. Sadly, this only gives us more resentment even if we don’t admit it. Because deep in our hearts we can’t accept it if we’re the ones being criticized, so we strive to do the criticizing ourselves.
2. Boastfulness.
We like to believe we’re just stating facts when we’re always telling people about our accomplishments. But the truth is we long to be praised. Well, there’s actually no problem with that because we probably deserve the admiration. There’s nothing wrong about discussing our achievements when it’s the people around us who request that we inform them about those things. But when it’s we ourselves who start talking about it, and when we do it more often than necessary, then it’s actually a sign of insecurity.
3. Comparisons.
When we always compare ourselves with others, highlighting our good qualities, while at the same time putting a particular person in a bad light, it could be that we’re insecure but can’t accept this fact.
We feel the need to belittle others to make us look superior to them, not realizing that each time we do so, we show that we envy others, and we lack confidence and contentment with our own selves.
4. The desire to see others sad and suffering.
We feel that others don’t deserve to be happy just because we’re not happy with ourselves. And since we’re hurting deep inside, we want to see people hurting too. We want to bring chaos into their lives.
This happens when our insecurity has already gotten far. It controls us even if we don’t have any idea about it. We think of schemes to malign another person. We spread lies and create malice just to put that person in a bad situation.
These are just some of the signs that we’re suffering from insecurity.
Believe it or not, it’s not our fault at all. It’s caused by situations we wish never happened in our lives. It’s also caused by harsh and painful words thrown at us perhaps by our loved ones which hurt us deeply up to this very day.
It’s not at all easy to overcome insecurity. In fact, it’s not even easy to accept that we’re really insecure. But when we finally do, it will somehow alleviate the pain and bitterness. However, it will take some time before we can completely overcome it. And just how will we do it? We can try doing the following:
1. Talk about it with our most trusted friend or friends if we can’t talk about it with our family.
Discussing it and telling someone about it will bring comfort and eventually healing into our lives.
2. Discipline our mind.
We should control our desire to think about negative things about people. When we feel that our thoughts are turning into criticisms and insults again, think of positive things about the person and say that out loud.
Praise, admire, encourage, and appreciate. Let’s do that always until we turn those into a habit. We won’t only feel good about ourselves, we’ll realize that people also feel good about what we say about them and about us too, so they’ll reciprocate with kind words and even deeds.
3. Learn to love ourselves for all that we are, our weaknesses and strengths, flaws and good traits.
Let’s strive to accept all that because when we sum them all up, we’ll find the unique and special persons in us.
Also, let’s be contented with ourselves because there’s no one quite like us. We may upgrade ourselves but that should be for each self-improvement, and not because we’re comparing ourselves with others then find ourselves lacking. Let’s avoid doing that to obtain our own happiness.
4. Learn to forgive.
This is better said than done, of course, but there’s no harm in trying even if it will take a long time for us to do so. Let’s remind ourselves that we’re all work in progress, and the ones who hurt us might also be undergoing trials in life. Let’s also give them the chance to come to terms with everything that’s affecting them.
It’s only when we’ve totally forgiven the ones who hurt us that we’ll be able to really free ourselves from bitterness and insecurity. By doing this, we can move on at long last from the pain of our past and discontentment with ourselves. We can finally learn to enjoy our lives to the fullest.
